We were talking about really horrible romance writing, a subject we’ve discussed at great length for years. So I wrote:
“Who is that hot blond with the big boobs?” Lilah asked while sulking.
“Filena,” he admitted. “My ex girlfriend. We had sex.”
Big’s edit was perfect:
Now, that is true suspense!
My only edit would be (and this is important) that Lance says “We had frequent sex.”
So I went on to write a (terrible) paragraph, mocking some of the truly horrible romance books I had been reading at the time:
He wanted to punch her in the face he wanted her so much. Her body was totally hot and he felt like a wildman, unable to control himself. He grabbed her arm, nearly dislocating her shoulder, and said, “Yeah, baby, fuck me good.”
He fucked her good. She was in another galaxy with the fucking. She could not believe how good it felt. When he finally jizzed on her, she didn’t mind.
As she lay with her head on his chest after they did it, she heard a noise outside her giant mansion. Lance said, “Hold on, I will check it out.”
But she was very scared. It was probably the boogie man. How would she ever explain to Lance that the Boogie Man was real?
Clearly, this is bestseller material! But I think you need to add the word “core” in there somewhere. I noticed those RS writers use “core” a lot during the sex scenes.
Yes they do.
How about, “he cored her good.” Is that too fancy?
OMG, you are amazing! You are using core as a verb!
How about combining the verb and the noun: “As he cored her good, her core trembled.”
I think about that time I didn’t want to write about it anymore, I just wanted to do it.